All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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