so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So here I am, sexting at work.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
