I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
