Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
