You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
4 words: hood of his car
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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