I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
