tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
