I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
