Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
