that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize