oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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