Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
PANTIES FOUND
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
