I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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