I wish I could teleport
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
