Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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