Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
