so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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