guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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