Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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