I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
