First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
