His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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