the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
