Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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