My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she looked like the before picture.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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