at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize