So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
