K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
