if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
