I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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