I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize