The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
last night I used snow as a chaser
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