I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
