I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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