we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
