I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
We need to rekindle our bromance
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
