my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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