we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
