Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
