If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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