The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
