I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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