Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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