mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
