i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
