I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
