my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i've created a new STD.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
