finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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