while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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