"it" just moved
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
