what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
