eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
