wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
