Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
