Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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