Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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