Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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