I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
