So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize