I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
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she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
