have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize