Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
