The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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