so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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