and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
