I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
