i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
