I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
