Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
