They should really pass out barf bags in church
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
