This is not my ceiling
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
