the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
