the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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