I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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