tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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