Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
