I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Randomize
