we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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