Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
