If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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