He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
