Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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