We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
