Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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