We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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