I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Let's get the cat blown out
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
