then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
