Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
