If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
