Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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