I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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