he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
