Me too!
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
