Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
