I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
