Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Bring me that man meat
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
