I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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