Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
