I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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