Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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