Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
