u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize