It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
