What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize