What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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