Tell her she can't have a vagina
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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